09 April 2007

marathon holy week roundup

happy (belated) easter! it's been grant applications and workshop talks and church, oh my! on palm sunday, i swallowed some major liturgical worries and headed off to church at the university lutheran chapel, where the processions are not solemn and the altar is in the middle.

[public speaking]

we spent most of the week commuting back and forth between berkeley and palo alto, putting finishing touches on a presentation for thursday and wending our way through some exciting python code. i learned how to translate the "dude, where's my natural experiment?" slide eventually got cut from our talk, but i still managed to give a brief and slightly coherent digression on instrumental variables in the Q&A.

[last supper]

instead of the usual anglicized quasi-seder, my maundy thursday meal took place in an asian fusion restaurant where the talk was appropriate estimators for standard error in multiple systems estimation, good san francisco restaurants, and (!!!) SUV vandalism. after a couple of weeks of bandying it about at social gatherings, my conclusion is that the vandalism conundrum captivates just about anyone who's offended by climate change. i arrived back at the house to a terrifyingly large amount of chocolate -- leavened with LCD rubber duckies, a kazoo and a harmonica -- recently arrived from minnesota.

[actually not a digression]

wow, we sure are throwing a lot of money at plan colombia. good thing it works so well for everyone.

[wisdom of Mom]

(good) friday i slept off a cold, talked to laurel about chchchanges, and then called my mum to thank her for the box of calories. in the course of the conversation i was lamenting my recent 'laziness,' which i put down to lack of motivation to do something i'm not (yet) good at. shocking revelation: it's tough to stay on task when your tasks seem designed to remind you how far you have to go. "just imagine how my LD kids feel," she said. right then! perspective restored.

[up the hills]

saturday afternoon meg and i walked about eight miles, from our little house in the flat part of berkeley, up through the fog bank and into the botanic gardens at tilden park, where among other absolutely gorgeous sights we came upon this:



[sound the liar]

back to the chapel, this time with meg, for a marathon holy saturday vigil, a vigil unlike every other vigil i've ever attended. i don't, in the end, think that this is the parish for me. plenty of smells, but maybe insufficient bells. certainly there is not a choir. certainly there was an extremely unfortunate feminist verse sung to the tune of "be thou my vision." HOWEVER. i love the intensity with which these folks connect scripture with their political actions. one of the old testament readings was an interactive, with some congregation member designated to sound each instrument as it was mentioned: trumpets, flutes, tamborines, and so on. pastor jeff was playing the "lyre" and it sounded like "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!" we just about fell out of our seats with joy.

[alleluia!]

and on the eighth day, it finally got sunny again, and berkeley was beautiful and teeming, and thai brunch was spilling over onto the library lawn, and there were scones and bunny ears and chocolate eggs at emily's -- all very appropriate to the occasion.

02 April 2007

herb carneal

...died today (actually yesterday, though only by 28 minutes here on the left coast), mere hours before the season opener against the O's. his was a voice of my childhood -- or at least, his voice mediated by whatever snap-crackle-pop version of WCCO we were getting in whichever of our minivans we were driving at the time.

in other, happier twins news, they are playing six games in cali during the first week of june. i am going to the oakland coliseum with my homer hankie. whee.

29 March 2007

more cheery news

looks like income inequality has risen to its highest point since 1928. thanks, unified republican government from 2000 to 2006! we knew we could count on you to set us up for another great depression!

*sputter*

apparently al roker has produced a "documentary" on the childhood obesity "emergency" for the food network.

let's investigate that sentence a bit, shall we? i'll hit all the important phrases. al roker is a TV weather guy, former fattie and gastric-bypass victim. "Childhood Obesity: Danger Zone" (danger zone!!!) is a "documentary" focusing, according to the AP blurb, not on the (social) science of food, weight and culture but on "profiles [of] young people who have successfully turned things around." roker (clearly an expert on the childhood obesity "emergency" since he lost 100 pounds through surgery as a middle aged rich dude) admits that "many factors contribute," some of them sort-of-social. but do you know what happens when you profile individual people (indeed, individual children) who have "successfully turned things around"? here's a guess: you turn it into an individual issue, such that feelings of self-hatred, blame and responsibility (which make for good tv, i might add) are allowed to drive individual success stories. individual childhood success stories. i can't think of a better way to warp a child, and -- let's just make this clear -- i know from children warped by strange ideas about obesity.

with that in mind, the horrifying money quote: "[Roker's] 8-year-old daughter stays busy with sports, but since she inherited dad's body type, weight control is an issue."

thanks, dad! JESUS CHRIST!

in which my high school friends continue to be completely rad

this morning sarah emailed the link to some video from her choreography thesis project, and i watched, and i thought (a) wow, sarah looks like an adult. do i look like an adult? (b) wow, that is intriguing and beautiful. watch for the integrated readings from same-sex marriage amendments.

27 March 2007

oh, north dakota

so, it's almost time for a ten-year flood anniversary blog entry, which will carefully avoid mentioning how it might have been less catastrophic if the, um, wealthier than average folks in the lincoln drive area hadn't been so keen on leaving their houses in that near-oxbow. instead i will talk about all the great things that people did for one another, and how the experience sucked but reinforced our sense of community. i may even write something about keep the faith. (i will certainly write about being evacuated from reeves drive on an army corps truck, watching the smoke rise from buxton, mucking out, red cross meals and learning to hang drywall.)

in the meantime, though, i thought i'd point to yet another example of why i can't go back. in short, i expect to be raising children, possibly girl children, at some point in time, and the flickertail state is busy proving itself entirely unsafe for girl children. of course, the idea that we would deny medical care to someone who responsibly seeks it because she doesn't have a relationship with her parents is absurd and dangerous on its face. but add to that the ridiculous cacophony of illogics about why this medical care should be denied, and the only possible conclusion to reach is that these (male) lawmakers just plain dislike and distrust women. especially young women. really especially young women who have sex. (i bet they really like old white racist men who blackmail state-funded institutions into maintaining racist symbols, though.)

lee kaldor, D-mayville: "Unfortunately, all we need is one problem pregnancy, and we risk the life of an unborn child." a couple of sentences later he mentions something about "the mother," but, you know, she's pretty much an afterthought. well, at least we know what "democrat" means in north dakota these days. looks like it's "republican."

jim kasper, R-fargo: according to the article, kasper "said the argument that the bill would help girls in abusive situations was not strong enough to allow any pregnant girl to seek prenatal care in confidence. 'In the vast, vast, vast majority of cases, that family cares for and loves that daughter, and they need to be involved,' Kasper said."

but totally my favorite, hands down no question is the might(measured in dollars)-makes-rights position of dan ruby, R-minot: "Vast generations have been born without the type of medical care and prenatal care that we have today. It's great that people get the treatment early, but we don't need to do something that is going to take away the authority of the parents, who are responsible for paying the bills."

dear beloved home state: this sort of thing is why your best and brightest UP AND LEAVE ALL THE TIME. i used to have dreams about going back and doing something awesome, but...not any more.

23 March 2007

terrorism, anyone?

in this week's london review, john lanchester opens with a provocative scenario:

"It is strange and striking that climate change activists have not committed any acts of terrorism. After all, terrorism is for the individual by far the modern world’s most effective form of political action, and climate change is an issue about which people feel just as strongly as about, say, animal rights. This is especially noticeable when you bear in mind the ease of things like blowing up petrol stations, or vandalising SUVs. In cities, SUVs are loathed by everyone except the people who drive them; and in a city the size of London, a few dozen people could in a short space of time make the ownership of these cars effectively impossible, just by running keys down the side of them, at a cost to the owner of several thousand pounds a time. Say fifty people vandalising four cars each every night for a month: six thousand trashed SUVs in a month and the Chelsea tractors would soon be disappearing from our streets. So why don’t these things happen?"

(read the rest.)

gee. i had never considered the ethical and instrumental possibilities of SUV vandalism. lanchester is completely correct about the ease with which a few committed souls could make SUV ownership considerably less attractive; moreover, i'm not convinced that such measures are unethical. certainly the ownership of an SUV (at least, a traditionally powered one) in an urban area is manifestly unethical -- as a response, mere vandalism seems eminently reasonable. unlike petrol station sabotage, a good old fashioned keying wouldn't render the monstrosity undriveable (hence no one suffers material harm beyond the cost assigned to the scratches) -- just unsightly. avoiding neighborhoods that are less well off (and where big chunks of assets are likely to be bound up in cars, rather than banked or put into housing stock), and/or conducting a sticker/leaflet warning campaign ahead of time, could lead to even better targeting. in my dream scenario (dare to dream!), SUV's become uninsurable in urban ZIP codes.

but to return to the question lanchester poses: why doesn't this happen already? deeply ingrained social contract? the Left's unacknowledged respect for even the most unrespectable private property? the fact that you don't have to be radical to be terrified about climate change? (i think this last is a strong contender.) it's hard to say but interesting to ponder.

22 March 2007

small changes

...in the sidebar. enjoy.

no doubt about it

breast cancer sucks.

[it's not particularly to say that it sucks more or less than any other sort of cancer. noting that lots of people get it, and that getting it is bad, is tricky business: what used to be a conspiracy of silence has morphed into a form of "awareness" consisting mostly of mandatory, infantilizing rituals of femininity. boo to breast cancer alarmism and all the strange politics attached to it. however, when you're a young woman, most of the people you know who've had cancer seem to have had breast cancer. (i know, i know. kahneman and tversky would be so proud of me.)]

but on with the politics. what do we (that's the big electoral we, btw) think about john and elizabeth edwards's decision to continue his campaign? (sub-question: how joint was the decision?) the article in today's times is just a big mushy hug, full of quotations from otherwise rather hostile places (tony snow!?) about thoughts and prayers and courage. how could it be otherwise?

question one, then, is how long before anyone summons the indelicacy to write something critical? and where will it come from? surely there's a Republican mommy-blogger (maybe a cancer survivor herself?) out there who will tell her she should be home with her children. surely there's someone willing to rag on the both of them about the unseemly heights of their ambitions. so far, though, of about 200 comments to the times story, only a handful include the phrase "publicity stunt." ("publicity stunt"!?!?)

question two is whether the criticism will catch on, and with whom. the pollsters have thought of lots of terrifying hypotheticals, but i'm not sure the "ailing life partner" thing has been focus-grouped. in any case, it likely depends on precisely whose life partner is ailing -- and on who said partner has been made out to be. on one reading, the edwards family is allowed to make this choice because they have lots of warm-fuzzy-family cred. on another, the edwards family is headed for a drubbing because they've just exposed themselves as unfeeling ambition-bots. (watch for a resurgence of references to edwards the "trial lawyer.") here's a scientifically unsound comparison to chew on: what would have happened if this sort of thing had befallen that other pair of politically ambitious Democratic lawyers?

i'm inclined to think it won't change much of anything, politically -- those inclined to love edwards will continue to love him. similarly for the other side. when you come right down to it, it all meanders back to the three-word sentence with which i started the post.

21 March 2007

happy halfbirthday to me

i think it's possible that people over ten or so aren't even supposed to notice the halves -- but it's also the first day of spring!

in slightly old news that is nonetheless celebratory and therefore appropriate to this mindless little post, my paper (not yet written, but hey! that's ok, right?) was accepted for APSA.

20 March 2007

grocery list is rich

here at aha!mlk! (a complete anagram of meg's and my initials, plus a description of our location, go dorks go), we strive to bring you the very best in vicarious shopping. this is a lean week -- in that we limited ourselves because we failed to finish all of last week's goodies -- so the Bowl list is modest. however, you will be pleased to know that amelia picked up 9.93 pounds of produce for an average of .90/pound, and meg, a truly ferocious shopper, amassed a (truly massive) 27.7 pounds at an average of .80/pound.

our refrigerator is bustin' out all over.

the list: bluelake green beans; beauregard yams; organic fair trade bananas; pesticide-free strawberries; moro blood oranges; unsulphured dried peaches; rio star grapefruit; granny smith apples; carrots; cantaloupe; navel oranges; fuji apples; mineolas; watermelon; pencil asparagus; roma tomatoes; sugar snap peas; fresh garbanzo beans.

table.py

after an enjoyably marathon hacking session yesterday, we now have an exciting new class of python objects to play with.

dealing with python is a little bit like playing with legos. all the elements fit together; you can turn five or six basic pieces into a robot or a tree or a house or practically anything you like; if you're still not satisfied you can buy a specialty kit and voila! suddenly your robot/tree/house has wheels/turrets/guns/windows!

as far as i and my data are concerned, table.py is the functional equivalent of the death star II.

17 March 2007

gee, almost forgot

...in all of my 'feel-good consumerism,' that today it's been four years since the beginning of the war in iraq. we are pretty comfortable here in the Homeland; it's too easy for us all to lose track of how long the war has been going on, and just how bad it has been.

the lead story in the times this morning has the grimly absurd headline "sunni militants disrupt plan to calm baghdad." as if they'd all sat down and agreed that, ok, Plan to Calm Baghdad is now in effect -- and then somebody up and said, naw, i really prefer shooting. but i suppose that that sort of tone (whether picked up by the nyt or not) is what's been afflicting this endeavor from the beginning: some bush administration dude in a comfy chair makes a "plan," but has confused the word "plan" with the rather different phrase "statement of preferred outcome." as most of us learned in preschool, just about anything in the world can "disrupt" that sort of "plan."

in any case, lots of different plans have been disrupted over the last four years. everything and nothing has happened, and while americans are finally pissed off, i'm not sure we got mad soon enough to salvage much of anything.

feel-good consumerism

this morning i went to the st. patty's day bike sale at tinker's workshop, a nonprofit in the berkeley aquatic park that does bike refurbishing and maintenance, sewing and clothing repurposing, and boat-building. i came away with a good bike for cheap (a good bike for cheap that i can ride in a skirt!) and lots of exciting information about coming there to volunteer/fix up my new ride/patch my holey jeans. so yay! yay (again) for berkeley and the great ideas percolating therein. makes me want to get re-involved in the nonprofit community.

14 March 2007

unbe#$%@&*lievable

i thought i was done blogging for the day, but then i was reading feministing and look what i found. my home state is about to do something even stupider (by far! whoa baby!) than its wack-job racist publicly funded hockey team fetish: that's right, folks! it's another draconian dakotan abortion ban!

looks like this particular embodiment of the patriarchy is only being heard in the judiciary committee at the moment. but yeeeeeeeeeeeeesh.

"women can be that guy too."

so states a little flashing billboard in the wacky environs of thatguy.com, a defense department site aimed at curbing binge drinking among "young servicemen." i am not inclined to believe the claim, however. in fact, it seems to me that thatguy is mostly all about being different from, and having access to, women.

according to the site, "The campaign encourages young enlisted personnel to reject binge drinking because it detracts from the things they care about: family, friends, dating, sex, money and reputation." alcohol also causes young enlisted personnel to do do evil, abusive and/or extremely dangerous things -- but apparently that's not what the market research says DoD should focus on with its lighthearted public health attempt?

what the site boils down to is that binge drinking is bad because (a) you will lose your opportunity to have sex with women and (b) you will throw up. (not-actually-humorous sidebar: the women in this flash-animation-crazy environment all seem to be wearing nearly identical little black dresses.)

but on second thought

it turns out that if you express any, and i mean any, support for even the idea of an IRB, you will become involved in exciting conversations with friends near and far.

so far yesterday's blog has been twitted for stating the possibility of retraumatization as fact and for stating that the IRB's of my experience are pretty reasonable, about both of which charges i can only say: guilty.

on a little more thinking about it, i realized that i should have spent less time with the specific "do no harm" and coercion issues raised by conflict and post-conflict qualitative research (although there are many), and more time with the conflicts of interest raised when researchers have to self-police their interactions with subjects.

stipulating for the moment (and only for the moment) that retraumatization is a boondoggle and that IRB's are a mess, the question to return to is if not IRB oversight then oversight by whom? (like i said yesterday, i don't trust myself to self-police. i want to know the things that i want to know fairly desperately; otherwise i wouldn't be studying them.) at this point, i've heard a lot from people who believe social science IRB's should be done away with, and very little from people who have concrete proposals for more useful oversight.

in any case, interesting stuff...now back to our regularly scheduled program of blogging groceries and weather. and politics. right. politics.

13 March 2007

IRB extremism

i've been stewing about this one for a while, trying to come up with an appropriate response to timothy burke's recent (ok, less recent now that i've been stewing for a while) post "a tapeworm on the body academic." the key bits:

"This is one of those issues where there isn’t a reasonable accomodation, where people of good faith can sit down and say, 'Ok, sure, maybe in a few cases, an oral history project ought to go through an IRB'. Flatly: there are no conceivable works of oral history, journalism or cultural anthropology that require such a review. There is virtually no survey research that requires such a review ...There is a narrow class of research that IRBs justifiably should supervise: those that involve direct medical and psychological experimentation on individual human subjects. Everything else is pernicious and wasteful at best, and at worst, constitutes a kind of creeping stranglehold on free inquiry."

whoa there! i can think of at least two broad classes of "works of oral history, journalism, or cultural anthropology" for which, unless the researcher is completely unconcerned about the consequences of the research for her subjects, IRB review is both good and necessary.

class the first is about direct harm to the subject through the process of investigation. this is what happens when you are bumbling around, unconnected to solid oversight, trying to uncover memories, record narratives, or otherwise memorialize a traumatic event. the psych term is "retraumatization," and as the term suggests, it's something you might reasonably worry about whenever the subject population has high incidence of trauma (violence, famine, migration, persecution, whatever).

[i'd be less concerned about retraumatization if it weren't so attached, in my thinking, to the question of wartime sexual violence. here is a phenomenon that is incredibly culturally taboo and for whose survivors, in quite a number of conflict and post-conflict settings, absolutely no mental health (or other) services exist. so you talk to someone, who has freely decided to speak with you for whatever reason (and on this, see below), and s/he tells you about what the soldiers, or the neighbors, or whomever, did -- and then you leave your subject alone (s/he would never tell anyone but an outsider what happened) with the memories you've just helpfully freshened up. we can expect that a lot of people -- maybe even most -- will be fine. but there exists a subset that ceases to function after you fly back to new haven. or wherever.]

a subgroup of class the first consists of cases involving indirect harm. here, the subject gives informed consent to speak with you and, in doing so, risks serious harm to self and others. [you were seen leaving the informant's house; tomorrow a death squad kills her elderly parents.] this is a relatively common situation in conflict and post-conflict settings.

class the second is trickier than the "first do no harm" considerations above, and i suppose i'm less wedded to this as a reason for IRB meddling. but i think it's absolutely worth considering (esp. if it leads to indirect harm as discussed above). it has to do with whether, when a community is especially poor or traumatized or fearful or marginalized or what have you, any sort of inquiry can be *actually* non-coercive. at some point, it doesn't matter how carefully you disavow any concrete exchange for your informants' services, or how clearly you explain that you don't necessarily have power over their situation. you are the powerful outsider, and you will be told...something...regardless, because the situation is desperate. as with all sorts of coerced testimony, your concern might be with the veracity of the information. but the ethical questions certainly (should) outstrip your worries about bias.

to return to timothy burke's very provocative statement: there are plenty of post-conflict oral histories, and plenty of cultural anthropology about people who are, in one way or another, "disadvantaged" or traumatized; all these fall within at least one of the classes i outlined above. i suppose one might argue that these are fields with relatively highly developed (relentlessly, boringly self-reflexive?) ethical standards *outside* the IRB process, that political science is a different animal, and that my critiques somehow don't apply when a field has spent a long time independently considering the ethics of its methods. unfortunately, though, i'm not sure "highly developed ethical standards" applies everywhere or to everyone. in particular: i am a graduate student. i've never done this before. everything feels like a race. and i'm going to magically rely on my professional ethics when it feels as if my career's at stake? burke's argument places far too much faith in the virtue and diligence of academics in a publish-or-perish world.

in any case, i can hardly believe the assertion that "direct experimentation" is the only context in which researchers can harm or coerce their subjects.

the remaining question is whether IRB's are the right vehicle for those considerations -- and about that i'm not certain. at yale the human subjects board has been careful and thorough with social scientists but, in most cases, aimed at helping you not-do something you might regret rather than at setting up mindless roadblocks. if IRB's aren't the right way to review qualitative research designs, though...what is? individuals, individual departments, and individual disciplines all develop weird methodological blind spots and outsize faith in their own moral rectitude. without delving into analogies about historians revieiwing quantum physics or veterinarians standing in the way of oral history projects (as burke does), it's worth considering who, exactly, might do better than the IRB. is it that IRB processes are necessarily bad, or that some IRB boards suck? i think the latter.

it's also worth remembering that, however bad your IRB "horror story" might be, it's likely tamer than some of the horror stories to which you might expose a vulnerable population if you wander into its midst with a notebook and tape recorder.

12 March 2007

i see you

ok, not true. but i did get a trial of the web tracking software from these people, and while it's too cheap to say anything really useful, i can see which google search brought you here, if a google search brought you here. favorite so far: "lutheran stereotypes." close second: "gender politics of spongebob squarepants."

and, confidential to someone in michigan: the answer to "yale or harvard poli sci phd" is YALE, duh. email me if you want to hear about why.

grocery list redux

brilliance! it's perfect degrees outside; we spent yesterday wandering around san francisco (meghan fed parrots!), and this morning was grocery time.

speaking of which, behold the produce list: cantaloupe, honey tangerine, pineapple, yellow watermelon, braeburn apples, extra small organic granny smiths, dried goji berries, tangelos, currants, red peppers, dried peaches, dried persimmons, roma tomatoes, dried chipotle peppers, horned melon, daikon radish, organic fair trade bananas, asparagus, haas avocadoes, moro blood oranges, rio star grapefruit, red swiss chard, nectarines, spinach.

in all, 38.5 pounds of produce for about $56, but that's only if you include $10 worth of dried persimmons; otherwise, we're talking $46 for 38 pounds. hurrah!

06 March 2007

my mad RA skillz

NO CANDLES! is the lesson we all learned in RA training -- and then again very early this morning, when my friends' house burned very comprehensively. with time, we're told, everyone will be ok, but oh. my God. the things that can happen to people, their poor lungs, their work, their property and their lives when a little tiny flame doesn't go out all the way.

as far as i'm concerned, the good thing about disasters (cf. grand forks 1997, duh) is that they have logistics attached to them. calls need to be made, supplies gotten, appointments kept, items salvaged, things repaired, things demolished, transport arranged...and so on. all this keeps you from thinking about, say, death, or fate, or chance, or existential terror of various other sorts.

this, i suspect, is why i was a good RA. i can call the ambulance while i make sure you barf in a bag instead of in your bed/shoe/wound while i arrange for you to see psych services Yesterday and make nine phone calls to set up nine meetings with nine deans about your situation. (please to note: this is all made up.) (also, don't get me wrong: i am as empathic and caring as all hell. right, hall?)

however, and importantly, while i am thinking about these things i do not have to consider any of the broader implications of your pain, experience fear and uncertainty about the future, or fully imagine the pain you must be in. your barfing/bleeding/wailing is key, and it is what i am dealing with, and i know that it is deadly serious, but it is also...well, background noise. dealing with the logistics is the most welcome distraction in the world. this, i suspect, i why i needed to be an RA.

anyway, that was what i did with most of my worry and concern today: i guarded, called, carted, asked, planned, carried, arranged, cooked, and measured my worry (horror?) in appropriate doses. plus i think there's got to be a sociology dissertation in there somewhere about how people behave when they witness a disaster site. but more on that when i'm less...tired? gobsmacked? yeah.

my new filing technique is unstoppable

friends, it is high time that i tell you what i have been doing with myself (other than gorging on exotic produce and playing with frisky kittens) since i came to california.

i'll tell you: i've been filing. here at hrdag, incredible amounts of data are constantly falling out of the sky and into our laps, and all this data must be filed. it must all be filed in such a way that things that fall out of the sky are kept separate from things that are lovingly cultivated by the resident geeks. it must all be filed in such a way that we know by looking at its name what each of the thousands of files in each of our projects will do if we open it. it must all be filed so that everyone has access to it all the time. it must all be filed such that everyone who has access to it always knows its complete history. and so on.

filing is not necessarily the strong point of the social scientist. just for example, i'm not sure where i put most of the papers from my prospectus bibliography. (also, i don't remember what they say. but that is an entry for another day.) so for filing we put down KKV and pick up bash, python, svn, (GNU) emacs, and some of the rather more obscure portions of stata and R.

needless to say, learning all of this at once after a computer science career consisting entirely of...nothing...is a bit daunting. luckily, the fact that data fall from the sky makes difficulties *both* endemic (if you want good inference) and worthwhile (because you want good inference). and we do, in the end, want good inference. what has astounded me so far is the extent to which folks who purport to study violence in a quantitative way haven't dealt with (all that much of) the problems native to that sort of data. and, maybe more troublingly, how consequential that can actually be.

meghan has the best explanation of the problem. "it's not that they think they have it right," she said, "it's that they think they don't have it that wrong." we've been taught to believe, implicitly at least, that magnitudes somehow don't matter, and that the only thing that should concern us is whether we've correctly "approximated" the "variation." so it should be fine to generalize from the sample of killings reported to police or newspapers or survey researchers or truth commissions or archdiocesan commissions! except, whoops, each of those sources is biased in a different way; each of those sources' biases change over time; we might be barking up the entirely wrong tree.

[also of note: turns out that in the real world, and the course of the history of the real world, magnitudes really fucking matter (read the first paragraph of that link, comparing the number of deaths reported to the number eventually estimated. then think about that for a while.), and it's nasty for social scientists to say or imply that they don't.]

so the measurement problems matter (not just historically, but yes, friends, they are going to fuck with the quality of your causal assertions) and are not inconsequential. basically, the filing i'm doing is the first piece of the necessarily elaborate method for fixing those problems. because: before i can figure out the counting piece of "what really happened in el salvador," i need to catch at least three old, scary, broken datasets as they fall from the sky; i need to fix them (not by hand, but rather by python); i need to compare all possible overlaps between the three (not by hand, but by exciting matching pipeline i don't fully understand); and i need to apply some probability theory and nonparametric statistics in order to make the overlaps tell me about all the cases that weren't counted. also, that whole process has to be sufficiently transparent that someone could take the same old, scary, broken datasets and come to the same conclusions. or so that i could do it all again when more data rained like manna from heaven.

there are exciting things afoot here: in addition to learning a boatload of basic computer science skills, i've nearly finished my prospectus (knock on wood, duh). i'm also filling my head with the details i hadn't yet mastered when i first got stuck on this problem, preparing for talks and conferences, and...yeah, i really am *not* just hanging out at the bowl all the damn time.

ps: about the title

02 March 2007

grocery list

i'll start writing about Important Stuff again soon, I swear. at the moment, however, life is moving a bit fast for me to have substantive thoughts about things that are not python (and the treatment of csv files thereby), el salvador (whence come broken outdated data files that must be turned into csv), or (my current favorite) produce.

so anyway, between meg and me today we got: pink lady apples, cameo apples, blood oranges, rio star grapefruit, nectarines, daikon radish, yukon gold potatoes, red cabbage, loose carrots, maple yogurt, fresh spinach, organic milk, cashews, dried persimmons, peaches, currants, and dates, organic bananas, crimini mushrooms, onions, raw sugar, brussels sprouts, orange bell pepper, endive, and a boatload of exciting spices. this after an expedition yielding several nice cheeses and some purty cage-free eggs a few days ago.

in other news: warm welcomes yesterday at the human rights center and the demography department, and yummy dinner at cafe gratitude. also good: meg's confection invention, which is a milkshake made with (1) whole milk (2) godiva milk chocoloate hazelnut praline ice cream (3) maker's mark whiskey.

23 February 2007

first earthquake!

a 3.4 at 3.46 this afternoon, very short but very noticeable. here's the relevant info.

22 February 2007

never coming back

i've been to the berkeley bowl twice in three days now. the first time was just spectating, since me + produce heaven - shopping list == stimulus overload ==> panic, but i did at least take a moment to text meghan: "@ berkeley bowl. OH. MY. GOD."

today we went back for what was supposed to be a short visit and ended up with four avocadoes (extra small, very ripe); two korean pears; one nectarine; one pomegranate; beautiful small asparagus, a papaya, yet more blood oranges (living at the office in palo alto has given rise to a number of new addictions), and brown cow maple whole milk yogurt, the regular price of which at the Bowl is equal to the completely insane sale price at mollie stone's in palo alto. plus some cream and potato-rosemary sourdough boule and other sundries but

MY GOD THE PRODUCE! next time i'm going with a list and a big ol' backpack, and then i'll never eat anything but vegetables (possibly with bulk grains and/or fresh herbs) ever again.

it's been raining on and off here, all day long, and as we walked home in the last sunshine of the day meg said, "how are we ever going back to stop & shop?" the answer is i have no idea.

this weekend is big basin, the monterey aquarium, meg's belated birthday, and (for me at least) making up for a week's worth of work after our sudden move. it is shockingly beautiful here (although hello, berkeley? you are supposed to be a hippie town. cut it out with the fast-moving cars and improve your recycling program already.), and the new house (new to us; it's a 1904 structure) is lovely. we're in the attic and can see mountains in all directions; there are nooks and crannies and secret staircases and bay windows and built-ins and strangely angled ceilings.

you know how sometimes you don't realize how sick you were until you're better? i'm finding that, sometimes, you don't know how wrong things are until you right them.

21 February 2007

quote for the day

nick kristof on jimmy carter: "At the end of the day, this one-term president who left office a pariah in his own party will transform the lives of more people in more places over a longer period of time than any other recent president." i don't know whether the factual claim is true (likely yes, given the crusade against guinea worm, river blindness, schistosomiasis, etc.), but i do think it's testament to the power of continually trying to do the right thing. however ploddingly, and with however many missteps. jimmy carter is 82.

20 February 2007

more yale news

apparently i miss, um, whassit called...'home'? for the second time in as many days i refer my readers (all three of you must be thrilled) to some smokin' hot internal yale politics. in particular, the ill-considered A-F grading change dropped on the grad school assembly's plate last fall has been formally done away with, despite the strong impression i got from the GSA executive committee that the thing was a foregone conclusion.

the grade change was one of a number of proposed shifts that were, if not outright insulting to grad students, at least seriously flawed from a policy perspective. true that a certain amount of competition is a good thing; true that the current grading system is mostly meaningless; true that better faculty mentoring/feedback is key to graduate student success. not true that yale grad students are so lackadaisical that they need more basis for comparison. not true that offering more grade levels would eliminate the "default H" (or "default HP" depending on the department and professor). not true that having lots of possible letters is equal to "better feedback." on the contrary, i think this is one of those changes that comes about because it's easier to impose rules on students than to cause the faculty to change its pattern of behavior.

no one was ever able to show me any data at all, convincing or otherwise, that suggested this policy change would have the effect that was ostensibly intended, and i'm glad the faculty followed grad student opinion and voted it down.

the grade change controversy reminds me fairly strongly of the disastrous (ongoing) attempt to "overhaul" years two through four of the Ph.D. program at yale: the gradutate school (personified by dean butler) appears to believe that the key to job market success is short time to degree and that the key to short time to degree is having lots and lots of rules. again, no one has provided any empirics to suggest that rules (without attendant benefits) actually lead to shorter TTD, or that shorter TTD has a strong positive effect on job placement. but of course (again), it's easier to tell grad students what to do than to demand that faculty mentor appropriately or to make positive changes in the academic job market.

also, i gotta say -- never thought i'd see the day when i lobbied for maintaining a meaningless grading system.

18 February 2007

"sense of mission"!?!?

yesterday's times has a fawning tribute to yale's chief investment officer. and, ok, maybe being the highest-paid official at yale is still a step down from wall street, but can we be a teensy bit less impressed at the sacrifices of a man who earned over a million dollars last year?

swensen appears to be one of the many nicely insulated university folks who have come to believe that universities are good per se -- they do research! they offer financial aid! therefore all the money they make must be blameless! one of the more offensive bits of the times article concerned the immense wonderfulness of yale's financial aid system (a system with which swensen has clearly had exactly zero actual experience):
While Mr. Swensen has no say about how Yale spends the proceeds from its endowment, he is eager to note the beneficiaries. “One of the things that I care most deeply about is that notion that anyone who qualifies for admission can afford to go to Yale, and financial aid is a huge part of what the endowment does,” he says.
can i just say? that part about "anyone who qualifies for admission can afford to go here"? absolutely not true. period. indeed, back in 1999 yale's financial aid offer was considerably worse than any other offer i received (harvard, stanford, williams, amhert, swarthmore, carleton, st. olaf), and certainly not in the affordable range, for me or for my parents. even swarthmore's offer, by far the most generous, was not actually "affordable." only the richest of the rich (swensen's reported income places him above the 99.5th percentile) would think of financial aid as such an unqualified equalizer. yeeeesh.

i'm also struck by the extent to which the article glosses what, precisely, goes into the handsome returns swensen has earned. for example:
After joining the university’s investment office when he was just 31, Mr. Swensen moved Yale’s portfolio away from a strict menu of stocks and bonds, favoring instead more diverse instruments like hedge funds, commodities like oil and timber, and private company investments.

[snip]

When it comes to hedge funds, with their hefty fee structures, Mr. Swensen can be particularly tough. Tom Steyer, a Yale undergraduate, approached Mr. Swensen in 1987 to raise money for Farallon, his diversified hedge fund. “They turned us down flat,” Mr. Steyer recalled.

Like many hedge funds, Farallon charged a 1 percent management fee and took 20 percent of the profits. “David told us: ‘I don’t see why we would give you any money. You might shut down after a bad year,’ ” Mr. Steyer recalled.

It was only after Mr. Steyer swore that he wouldn’t shut down — and that he wouldn’t immediately charge Mr. Swensen 20 percent of his profits and other fees — that Mr. Swensen gave Mr. Steyer some of Yale’s money.

this is...hmmm...this is...virtuous? did you see the part about "commodities like oil and timber"? "Farallon"? investing in oil and timber is just...bad. investing in Farallon is investing in private prisons, among other excitement. essentially, the article is uncritically praising a man because his goal is to make money for the university by any means necessary, rather than to make money for himself by any means necessary. "better than bad" != "good."

14 February 2007

franken

no time to say anything intelligent about this except yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! i don't fall easily for the celebrities-as-politicians schtick, but i've read the books (which are smart and well-researched and barely conceal a hefty dose of wonkery), and heard the guy speak a couple of times, and after all...norm coleman sucks ass. so, to repeat: yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

13 February 2007

omfg

just a brief note, written from the office at...let's see...2.58 am, to say that it's pretty amazing the lengths to which i will go for a project that's really interesting.

there are of course a million and one other things to blog about -- presidential primaries; weird emanations about "weapons" and "iran" that make me think the world is going to explode before i'm done living on it; information about climate change that makes me think rather the same thing; valentine's day; megan and how she's still awesome five years after jpsm; tahoe; berkeley; python; the House of Allergenic Hoarding -- just to name a few.

but the fact of the matter is that, as usual, there's not enough time for all of it. more here soon.

07 February 2007

this rankles

and not just 'cause i'm constitutionally suspicious of wal-mart, although i am.

it's weird -- why would seiu give wal-mart the time of day? why would it be party to a press conference in which one of the world's most evil corporations grabs some progressive cred just by having a mouthpiece utter the phrase "universal healthcare"?

here's what this press conference actually signals: wal-mart, like some of the big auto companies, has realized (shocker) that it would save lots of cash if it didn't have to pay for any employee health care. which, ok, true. but if i read the article correctly, and i'm pretty sure i did, i don't think wal-mart has announced that it will plow all that cash back into a living wage. or research into sustaining itself without gobbling up small towns and natural resources. or anything of the sort.

you know, last time big companies and unions held a bunch of press conferences about healthcare, we ended up with the current mess. (see marie gottschalk on this.)

02 February 2007

narcissism

i've just uploaded (selections from) six months' worth of photos to flickr. not in any logical order (at least w/r/t dates), though.

31 January 2007

molly ivins

according to the times, molly ivins has died of breast cancer at 62. and here is the obit from the texas observer, by way of commondreams. (it's better.)

she was one of my favorites for-practically-ever.

22 January 2007

late but cute

look! nori took a picture of me and emily at this really awesome place with tacos-to-die-for on my first full day in the bay area! (also, i heart prepositions. preposterous strings of prepositions, even better.) we are, like, SOBLOND.

17 January 2007

informal poll

if i were going to introduce someone to the mountain goats, which song (or two or three) would really get a pop-and-classical listener hooked? i like "this year" and "blues in dallas" and "color in your cheeks, but i'm sure there are others. (also, i haven't heard last year's album yet, 'cause i'm lame.)

15 January 2007

mlk day

take some minutes to read it all again (which is not, of course, to say that the ones i have linked are all of it).

something prescient (from the riverside church address against the vietnam war) for americans who are invested in the idea of "evildoers:"

"...I cannot forget that the Nobel Prize for Peace was also a commission -- a commission to work harder than I had ever worked before for "the brotherhood of man." This is a calling that takes me beyond national allegiances, but even if it were not present I would yet have to live with the meaning of my commitment to the ministry of Jesus Christ. To me the relationship of this ministry to the making of peace is so obvious that I sometimes marvel at those who ask me why I'm speaking against the war. Could it be that they do not know that the good news was meant for all men -- for Communist and capitalist, for their children and ours, for black and for white, for revolutionary and conservative? Have they forgotten that my ministry is in obedience to the One who loved his enemies so fully that he died for them? What then can I say to the Vietcong or to Castro or to Mao as a faithful minister of this One? Can I threaten them with death or must I not share with them my life?

[...]

The war in Vietnam is but a symptom of a far deeper malady within the American spirit, and if we ignore this sobering reality...and if we ignore this sobering reality, we will find ourselves organizing "clergy and laymen concerned" committees for the next generation. They will be concerned about Guatemala and Peru. They will be concerned about Thailand and Cambodia. They will be concerned about Mozambique and South Africa. We will be marching for these and a dozen other names and attending rallies without end, unless there is a significant and profound change in American life and policy.

And so, such thoughts take us beyond Vietnam, but not beyond our calling as sons of the living God."

08 January 2007

palo alto

i live in california now. holy cow!

03 January 2007

"stylish" meaning...?*

i've just about had it with the sartorialist. this is a shame, because i love looking at the menswear he features. almost without fail, the outfit goes beyond hip or cool and includes a smart (or at least extremely fortuitous) piece of tailoring, or combination of colors, or what have you. a few weeks ago there was a beautiful group of shirts hanging side-by-side to demonstrate a particular style of shoulder. almost every week there is a gorgeous shot of a shop, ties next to shirts next to jackets to demonstrate the color/pattern combinations on offer. every look is about choosing the right clothes, whether the man is old or young or fat or thin or sweet-faced or haggard or what have you.

but the women! holy crap, what a different story. with a few exceptions (believe me, i looked for them), a great look for a woman is completely defined by the woman herself. she is either a fashion personality or beautiful. most often she is very, very, very thin. we don't see suiting for women. we don't see women's clothes displayed in shops or on racks. it seems our friend doesn't much care about construction, either of the clothes or of an individual style -- purportedly the point of the site -- when the wearer has accessorized with two x chromosomes. there is a fundamental sameness, probably because all the clothes are now-now-now (a slightly nicer way of saying "just trendy"). all the women either work in fashion or don't appear to work; thus, while lots of male sartorialists are clearly bound for the office, i'm not noticing a lot of stockbrokers or lawyers among the women (often "girls") featured on the site. or at least...not so's you'd notice.

so what's a fashion-forward man with a camera to do? my rather crotchety answer: either think harder (much harder) about what looks good on a woman to you (i.e. challenge yourself to the female equivalent of the lovely thom browne suit on the non-emaciated dude), or stop thinking about women('s clothing) altogether. the rather untenable status quo suggests that men are free to invest in tailoring details that they, personally, love, while women are free to invest in...methamphetamine?

dear readers: do you know a woman with a great, very individual look? who is she and what's she often wearing? bonus points if she's got a traditional desk job or very little money.

*this post brought to you by a conflicted feminist's obsessive online apparel shopping.

memory lane

can't sleep. browsing web. v. glad grapevine updated the website after i left school without changing the admin. but pretty unhappy that they are taking their current group description straight outta cosmo. not only are they billing themselves as fun and female, but they've forgotten fearless.

ladies!

30 December 2006

"done"

having finished one (sizable, spanish-reading-necessary) paper, i ran out of steam about 4/5 of a draft through the second project. this afternoon i saw the light, cried uncle, and begged for pardon. pardon granted, i'm now going shopping with my brother. tomorrow it's grand forks.

thank. God.

hussein hanged

"Dictator Who Ruled Iraq With Violence Is Hanged for Crimes Against Humanity", reads the times this morning. the post's story is pretty good, too. lots of the same elements in both places.

but we knew this was coming. i'm more interested in the question i ran across at crescat sententia (more-than-a-friend of a friend), roughly: end in itself or means to an end? in politics, i'm more and more inclined to believe it should be the latter, rather than the former (within limits, utilitarian-type calculus dodgy without intensity of preferences, etc.). in saddam's case, per will's question, i suppose that means that i don't give a flying fuck whether it's acceptable or even meritorious to kill murdering dictators just because they are murdering dictators. the question, and this has always been the question about everything surrounding this stupid, stupid war, is whether killing this particular murdering dictator in this particular circumstance will, on balance, help or hurt the people who don't get to make policy decisions. on that debate, i'm pretty sure the jury's still out.

29 December 2006

homebound twentysomethings unite

both of my favo|rites have been home, thinking about home, and (as that previous post likely indicates) i am no different. unlike north and the fb, however, i seem to have forfeited all my moral authority by leaving the midwest. people (including my family) see right through my kelly green j. crew cloth coat and detect the heart of someone From Away. it used to be that ignoring or denigrating my preferences about the way the world should operate was sort of a brute force operation -- all you could do was disagree, because preferences are preferences. these days, no brute force is necessary because all my preferences about the way the world should work are unavoidably tainted in a sort of what's the matter with kansas? way. when you are armed with the cultural authenticity club, no one can reasonably suggest that maybe twelve hours straight of handgun-glorifying splatterfest are not the best use of your time. (don't even get me started on all the strawfeminism in this neighborhood.)

23 December 2006

it's all about me

...until you get to the part about quoting annie sprinkle during grace. seriously, though, is there anything more frustrating and comfortable than being home for the holidays? i literally can't believe some of the things that are in the cupboards around here, but i also haven't laughed that hard for a long time.

for example. last night at dinner we were listening to johnny cash while we ate our scrambled eggs and velveeta. ray mused, "you know, if you really listen to the lyrics, it's not exactly a ring of fire. more like a cylinder." there was a pause and my father's eyes lit up, whereupon he said rapturously, "that is exactly what i've always thought!"

21 December 2006

14 December 2006

from north

nothin' against evangelicals, of which i in at least some sense am one, but can we please not turn the whole military into a Crusading organization? it seems clear that it's too late for the air force academy, not to mention for the commander in chief, but i suppose i was hoping that the military's much-vaunted professional culture might be some sort of fortification against this particular incursion. then again, incursions from within...

unfortunately for all of us, it's not as if jesuits or unitarians or even middle-of-the-road american protestants or catholics are prosyletizing up a storm. no, this is the sort of "moral vision" that makes kissinger-style amoral realism look warm and fuzzy.

10 December 2006

this week in death

augusto pinochet and jeane kirkpatrick both.

if i were a better person i'd probably feel a little sorrier.

if i were a worse person i'd probably feel a lot sorrier. or maybe actually happy, as opposed to just instinctively relieved.

and yes, i'm aware that if making moral equivalences is what i'm doing with this post, then that's tricky and probably incorrect.

oh well.

relatedly, it totally sucks that women who gain power often manage to do so by being reactionary (whether anti-feminist or anti-communist or thatcherite or whatever) crazies.

02 December 2006

in a culture where work is a religion...

...burnout is its crisis of faith.

so either i should finish this semester posthaste, or i should consult a priest. seriously, i don't usually read new york magazine (from which the link above, which i heartily recommend, is taken), but yesterday all the new yorkers were missing from the gym, so i picked up the closest thing i could find. not very close, actually, but it did the trick. (there was also a really appalling article about henry kissinger. shiver.)

i'm not sure if you could call my current state "burnout" -- that seems like sort of a mountain-from-molehill treatment of what is essentially just an overloaded semester -- but i was struck by lots of similarities between the descriptions there and the way i've been describing, um, things with me lately. most especially: the idea that input exceeds output, that you do more and more and perceive yourself accomplishing less and less. blech.

however, the fact is that i have done and accomplished quite a lot. if some of the things i am supposed to have accomplished come to naught, well, that's just going to have to be too bad. that i don't have a (complete) prospectus? not a serious problem, because i have an idea and it is moving forward. that i don't yet have a house in palo alto? well, that's a little more serious. that i haven't made serious progress on either of the two papers that are due at the end of this semester? really not even on my radar. they are both papers in which i'm interested for my own purposes, timeline optional.

despite the lack of product, i've put quite a lot of time and effort and consideration into the prospectus. i've also learned five verb tenses and probably a hundred or more verbs in spanish, which classifies me as "low intermediate." oh, and i've read a big chunk of the civil wars literature that i was missing. and i've put in hundreds of hours (yes, literally) on search committee stuff, and done four incredibly fascinating interviews with veterans amounting to nearly six hours of data, and thought a lot about what my research method tastes are, and...well, the list goes on.

the problem, of course, is that listing accomplishments is a poor metric for the concept satisfaction, even when one is (as i am) pretty oriented to the doing of things, the practice of keeping busy, as some sort of end-in-itself. a key point from the article has to do with eggs and baskets: more baskets good. fewer baskets bad. that's true even when it means there are more, not fewer, commitments in an already overloaded life. for me it means...that i have to start wearing nice clothes and going out to bars? that i have to pay more attention to my family(ies)? i dunno. it is true, however, that in academia it's not a good idea to feel as if the progress of your career (a) will make or break you; or (b) should be under your control. option a makes everybody a failure most of the time and option b is just an impossibility. academic success? near-total crapshoot; diminishing marginal returns to workaholism.

anyway, this is me saying that in addition to human rights reporting and computer science, i'm definitely going to be exploring the concept "to hang out" in more depth while i'm in palo alto. promise.

15 November 2006

appearance culture again

read bitch phd on her aging spots, and then check out the comments too. there, beginning maybe 2/3 of the way down, you will find extremely smart stuff by the one and only north, who is better at putting the collective action problem into words than i ever will be.

also, can i just say? more and more every day, i hate this status-quo-genuflecting individualist "feminism."

09 November 2006

07 November 2006

vote!

just don't assume your vote will be counted.

the more i think about it, the more i can't fucking believe that we're using paper-free voting in 38% of american precincts.

06 November 2006

practical feminism

a few years back, i took a course with ken sharpe and barry schwartz about the application of neo-aristotelian political philosophy(ies) to problems of modern life -- what are the professions, for example, and how can one best practice them? one of the key(est) elements of that course is its insistence that particularities and individual narratives matter when you're plotting Grand Theory. now, i think that some of that sort of literature is decidedly weak; it follows the general outline that this is my story, i don't care if it is exceptional, it's mine, mine, mine all mine, generalizability and population distribution(s) be damned, etc. i also happen to think that that sort of literature is totally and completely necessary to any sort of principled life -- if it were just us and the principles we'd get really discouraged really fast. so let me just say: there is absolutely no one better than bitch ph.d. at using personal narrative to work through theoretical issues. go read that.

05 November 2006

weight watchers, tool of the patriarchs

twisty semi-seriously considers whether dieting can be feminist. (no.)

the comment thread that follows is actually relatively sane, a real rarity where body size is concerned. people tend to be confused by unobserved variables when they're dealing with correlations between weight and health -- preternaturally skinny third-wavers claiming that it's really all about their poor, poor hearts; fat folks for whom the merest mention of cardiovascular fitness is a form of oppression -- but i'm really pleased that most of the stories in the thread are personal and ungeneralizable. i'ma put this in philosophy of social science terms, because hey, it's what i do: in our increasingly quantified (yet still statistically illiterate) world, there's a lot of reification/deification of mean effect sizes and aggregate comparative statics and not so much attention to the eight trillion possible causal mechanisms that might produce (or not produce) those correspondences at the individual level.

04 November 2006

oh happy day

for once, some unabashedly happy news outta my poor denomination. i am thrilled to pieces about this investiture.

03 November 2006

chalkings and 'sex radicals'

so coming out week came and went, and i'm not sure yale even noticed. sigh. at swarthmore, as i recall, MUCH NOTICING inevitably occurred, usually accompanied by strange intra-lefty, intra-queer or intra-allied-community political fratricide.

i don't care much for sheltered conservatives who feel offended by their "subjection" to the mere existence of The Gays, but as timothy burke notes, there is something wrong when an activist community begins to exclude or officially disapprove of all but its most radical members, and something even wronger when the only dialogue that's going on is (a) public and (b) rude.

indeed, if what is important is maintaining queer identity as inherently transgressive, one wonders what the point of activism is at all. every time there's an advance, the folks who benefit from such an advance must be pushed out of the movement altogether or pushed to adopt new, more transgressive -- and thus possibly inauthentic -- identity. where "identity" is now defined as "behavior." hmmph.

26 October 2006

i feel so prescient

six years ago i wrote a long piece for a media and politics class that compared male and female politicians' appearances in style, versus news, pages of major media, along with some content analysis of news articles about women in politics. (did you know that when now-senator clinton introduced the health care plan in '94, a majority of major news outlets used the participial phrase "wearing..." in front of the sentence that should have begun "clinton said..."?) and then this morning i was browsing through the nyt when i came across this.

24 October 2006

in which other feminists continue to piss me off

twisty never fails to dis the christian feminists. see? (this is from her comment thread, and i'm not certain to which comment she was replying.)
Perhaps you’re forgetting that Martin Luther King was a man, and as such stood to loose nothing by colluding with Judeo-Christian patriarchy. Anyway, clearly we can have Christian feminists — several who claim the affiliation have posted here — but the concept strikes me as unburdened with excessive reason, given that Christianity is the root of, provides the catechism for, and has enforced for millennia and continues to enforce with an unwavering conviction, a most brutal and violent systemic misogyny.
1. spelling snark: martin luther king loosed plenty of things, including a big ol' social revolution, by "colluding." i don't want to get all third-wave and all, and i reckon that there are a whole lot of problems remaining for black women qua black, qua women, and qua black women, in the aftermath of said social revolution, and possibly lots of new problems emerging. but i think that, on the whole, said collusion -- a mobilizing strategy that worked at the grassroots when little else had -- was almost certainly a net positive for black women.

2. also: there was no patriarchy before christianity? christianity is a unitary entity? what? although it is always interesting to be told that up is down, black is white, and that cogito doesn't actually imply sum, i think it's pretty clear that i, a christian feminist, exist. and if i may be so bold: i am nothing if not burdened with excessive reason. please, somebody show me the logical proof that there is no possibility for feminism within a nicene-creed understanding of the divinity of christ, and we can all just go home. in the meantime, consider the fact that if you believe religion to be so excessively bound in patriarchy that it cannot be practiced in a feminist way, then you certainly must also renounce pornography of all kinds, most sex, and lots of classical philosophy.

i used to say that it sucked to be a leftist christian, but the lefties and the christians have both yanked their heads out of their asses w/r/t that problem in the last couple of years. seems to me that the last bastion of this sort of absurdist, reflexive derision is the feminist blogosphere (possibly the slightly-more-radical end of feminism in general). alas!

23 October 2006

ohmigaaaad

...i have totally got to post something real soon. in the meantime, please read and discuss the myriad ways in which my schedule is absolutely not tenable.

in hours per week:
prospectus: about 10*
search committee: 10-20
spanish class (graded): 10-20
civil wars seminar (graded): 10-15
qualitative methods seminar (graded): 10-15
grading: 4-6
workshops: 4
the gym: 4-6
union stuff: 3
graduate student assembly stuff: 2-4

that's leaving aside basic life stuff like hygiene, laundry, therapy, sleep and (i shudder to admit this) grey's anatomy. taking all my ranges at their means, that's a seventy-five-hour week, MINUS any work on my prospectus.

*totally fucking hypothetical at this point

16 October 2006

beauty contestation

over the weekend, j. sent me a link to this thought-and-(in my case)-rage-provoking post by amanda marcotte, with whom i most always agree. this time, however...no. oh, no, no, nononono NO. (and so on.) beauty is a tough one, of course. yes: we're always going to want to see things that we think are beautiful, and we're always going to want to be attractive to people we are attracted to. being a very precocious and very fat pre-adolescent led me to a variety of thought experiments in which the whole world was blind, or the whole world was required to wear garments that looked like big censorship boxes, but it turns out that real life just doesn't function that way. however, real life also turns out not to function in the way that choice feminists, or third-wavers -- whatever you like to call them -- would have us believe. i am SO TIRED of hearing that compromise behaviors are actually activist behaviors that i could just spit.

a key question for people who are involved in social justice has to be: if i think that some action shouldn't be mandatory in order to receive some social benefit, how does my doing that action affect its mandate status? if i think that heterosexuality shouldn't be necessary for marriage, how might my (presumptively heterosexual) marriage affect my queer friends' rights to cool tax breaks and sanctification? and if i believe that adhering to patriarchal norms about appearance shouldn't be necessary to a woman's success (in whatever realm), how does my (behavioral if not attitudinal) adherence to those norms affect other women's choices and chances?

here's one difference (of many): marriage isn't visible unless you wear a ring or have it announced. my participation in the appearance culture, on the other hand, is always there for people to see. (in fact, i think it's usually *only* there for other people to see.) when it's necessary, you can put your own words to your reasons and hopes for participating in the marriage institution. but participation in beauty institutions -- unless we want to walk around wearing sandwich boards or something -- can't possibly be explained enough. no one can tell by looking at that i'm participating for my own reasons, or participating against my will, or whatever. to the extent that i participate, whether i perceive that participation as a choice or not, i'm always adding incrementally to the presumption that everyone must participate.

but of course, we're all participating all the time. i participated just this morning by going to the gym, even though part of my brain went to the gym for health reasons. a couple of days ago i participated by joking with a friend about irritating weight fluctuations. later this week i'll participate by buying new and hopefully more flattering pants. i also give to democrats instead of greens and episcopalians instead of the UCC, buy non-local, non-organic produce because it's cheaper, fail to speak up in workshops, and avoid interpersonal conflict. i can't be apologizing for all (or any) of this stuff all the time, but i should be thinking hard about the choices i make. i suppose that's one reason i liked jill's piece at feministe. it recognizes that there are compromises we all make (although i question whether we are making them "to get by") and is mostly sensible about how to deal with them.

last thing: feminists should not be in the business of making and then responding to strawfeminists. please, let's not talk about why we like makeup by claiming that other people are groping blindly after unattainable androgyny, or that people who worry about participating in patriarchal appearance rituals "have a grudge against color and beauty." it reminds me uncomfortably of phyllis schlafly and the unisex toilets.

07 October 2006

damn the twins/full speed ahead

the first part of the title is self-explanatory. how depressing. the second part refers to the "Distinction" that showed up on the little blue sheet labeled "Report on Ph.D. Comprehensive Examination." first and foremost, this means that i am hot shit. however, second, third, fourth...nth, this means that the examination system around here is completely batshit. yes, the writing was better and the theses were tighter this time around. but no, i did not go into as much depth OR refer to as many pieces OR even attempt to say anything interesting. my father once told me that the higher ed market weeds out both stupid people and very smart people, and i have never been more sympathetic to that point than i am right now. but also: ROCK! no more time wasted on worrying and no more sleepless nights and no more examinations ever, ever again.

03 October 2006

right flank breaks ranks

the mark foley debacle raises some very interesting questions about the source of the inevitable split in the republican party. on one level, it's absolutely understandable that this would be the issue that would do it: the conservative base is (a) terrified of the supposed epidemic of pedophilia in this country and (b) reeeeally hatin' on the gays. consequently, there's an electoral incentive to distance yourself from (i.e. burn at the stake) a member of said base who turns out to be a hypocritical sicko. of course there is. sigh.

on another level, though, i'm repulsed and intrigued that it took an individual hypocritical sicko in a high place to make the right flank break ranks. the washington times is urging denny hastert's resignation today, and buckets of other conservatives are similarly up-in-arms. this is not an inconsequential moment for "values leaders" to be marching their "values voters" away from the republican congressional leadership. indeed, one might expect that opinionistas who have looked the other way as a thousand ethical lapses and many thousands of civilian casualties took place on their party's watch would continue to do so, more so now than ever. but instead of paying attention to the "individual hypocritical sicko" aspect of the situation, there's emphasis from the right on the "huge fucking conspiracy of silence in the party leadership" angle. wow!

my question: why are these the people breaking ranks with this party? with the party that they fought very very successfully to take control of, that is. perhaps it's another exciting episode of We Are The Underdog, Damn It -- something that's worked well for the "christian" right in the past -- but usually they don't go quite so far or lay the blame quite so close to home. if anyone in the republican party has a real case for marginalization, it's the olympia snowes and lincoln chaffees of the world, the moderates. a week ago i would have expected a an eventual revolt of the moderates finally to fracture the g.o.p. for good...but -- speaking of conspiracies of silence -- with the exception of occasional bursts of griping (i.e. occasional bursts of jimjefforditis) these folks have generally stuck with their increasingly freakish and reactionary colleagues in order to reap the benefits of power. did i say conspiracy of silence? i guess i meant faustian bargain.

in any case, here's hoping that (1) this scandal destroys repubs' chances of holding the house and (2) somebody manages to keep these assholes from implying that it's the gay, rather than the kid-cruising, that fundamentally defines the particular foley ickiness.

01 October 2006

big crush on dorky band

i went to see the hold steady again last night, at the masonic lodge in hamden. the space was tiny, there was a crocheted american flag framed on the wall, the ceilings were low and the light was mostly fluorescent but, oh, so, so, SO MUCH FUN.

28 September 2006

rant: despite song titles to the contrary,

i would like to state for the record that limbo doesn't rock.

[UPDATE, a k a big ol' 'gotcha' from the universe, 29 september: one of my two exams is back. i passed. but of course, the tenterhooks remain.]

is it so difficult for a three-person committee to grade four 5,000-word exams in a month? it seems to me that the behavior of our faculty around exam grading is oddly discontinuous: despite a fairly serious understaffing problem, faculty around here are generally extremely responsive to grad students. even beyond that: most of them are extremely understanding of the difficulties of graduate student life. they know what is stressful (although they have interesting normative ideas about what "should" and "should not" be stressful) and to some extent they try to accommodate and reassure. all the more odd, then, that the most intimidating pre-dissertation hurdle, the exam process, has become a protracted nightmare that does little but convince us that the faculty just want to see us suffer. this is clearly not true; they want us to do well, they want to be nice, etc., etc. however...

to put some facts to that rant: i started studying for my two exams as soon as i returned from utah in early june. i started studying very very hard in early july. by early august i couldn't reliably sleep through the night. (neither could anyone else. this is not just me being crazy.) exams were august 24 and 28, respectively. it is now september 28. no one has heard anything about exams. previous to that, i spent all of november and december 2005 trying to study for an exam that took place january 3 and which i ultimately failed (that news came through january 31). previous to that i spent july and august 2005 studying for an exam that i passed, though barely, receiving that information in late september 2005. thus, a conservative estimate (discounting, for example, the full month that it took me to even begin to believe that i belonged in graduate school after the january exam): in the approximately 15 months since july 1, 2005, i have worried about exam study, exam-taking, or exam grades at least several times daily (and often for full days or weeks at a time) for ten full months. if the exams had been promptly graded in each bout of exam-taking, i might have avoided something like 30% of my agonizing.

there is no indication of when we might receive word on this latest round. could be today, could be next month, conceivably it could be never. my theory on this is that faculty members at yale are extremely smart people -- indeed, they are so smart that they see exams as a minor inconvenience, something to be traipsed blithely through and then forgotten. the problem, of course, is that they are neither easy nor certain for some of us. bleh.

beyond exam grades lies the question of my prospectus, my feelings about which run the gamut from excitement and hope to terror and humiliation. the latest draft is out there, adrift on the unending choppy sea of overcommitted faculty, no longer transmitting signals to home. every time i see someone who has a copy of my memo i want to shake hir and scream JUST GIVE ME SOME FUCKING FEEDBACK ALREADY.

24 September 2006

what she said (again)

as usual, twisty's tellin' it like it is w/r/t crazy misogynist asshattery in the fashion world. amusingly (terrifyingly), the article (which i read a few days ago and just sort of blanched and tittered at) quotes runway model jessica stam as someone who is "worried" about "new girls" on the runways being "too thin."

this is jessica stam.

holy fuck.

22 September 2006

quarter century

yesterday the world celebrated twenty five whole years of amelia; mom and dad, knowing that i am a big narcissist, did me a favor and had the flowers delivered to the office:



many congratulations ensued, which gladdened my increasingly aged heart. however, yet more gladdening was the fact that many congratulations were given independently of, and indeed prior to, said flowers. this year like every year, i [heart] my friends.

the evening included a working group which reminded me that i would probably need to define the terms in my dissertation prospectus, a slice of cheesecake and a glass of wine with a wide selection of excellent people, and later, amusing (ok, depressing) sidewalk run-ins with various drunkards, harlots and cads.

19 September 2006

responses to responses

(1) "the whole enchilada: debates in world history." in a totally unsurprising move, the weekly standard has written a fluff piece listing college course titles that might scare conservatives. one of those is -- shocker! -- swatprof timothy burke's survey of historical writings. read -- if it's ok to laugh out loud at work -- this crooked timber review of the fiasco, especially including the comment thread's suggestions for even more highly suspect course titles.

(2) also from tim burke: a smart and heartfelt piece about problems with the pro-war "left." who are these people? where do they come from? and what in God's name is their empirical blindspot/personal insecurity that they cannot admit that things that sound nice may nevertheless go astoundingly wrong?

(3) on sunday's darfur rally: all i really have to say is uuurrrrrrgggghhhhhh. the friend with whom i attended pointed out that a far more effective thing to do would have been to sit there silently for three hours...but of course there seemed to be a fairly large contingent of people who were there for an O.A.R. show. in any case, i was able to construct only one interesting thought about the entire day, as follows: sometimes there are events in the world that are so bad that they demand some sort of response. sometimes there are events in the world that are so serious that most responses are inappropriate. in times like this, well-meaning people end up in central park, listening to platitudinous pop proclaiming that "we are all connected" and helpfully reminding the propertyless, landless victims of mass killing, rape and ethnic cleansing, "don't give up."

interesting to think that the situation is bad enough that i am still convinced that it was right, possibly even necessary, to go and do the wrong thing.

18 September 2006

women in the academy

today in the new york times, an article reporting on the conclusions of a national academy of science panel to investigate women's status in the sciences and engineering. (the full report is currently only available at absurd prices, hence no link to the NAS. losers.) the times says in part that
The report also dismissed other commonly held beliefs — that women are uncompetitive or less productive, that they take too much time off for their families, and so on. Their real problems, it says, are unconscious but pervasive bias, “arbitrary and subjective” evaluation processes, and a work environment in which “anyone lacking the work and family support traditionally provided by a ‘wife’ is at a serious disadvantage."
amen, in particular, to that last phrase: "anyone lacking the work and family support traditionally provided by a wife is at a serious disadvantage." i would note, however, that it's less about a wife, and more about lack of responsibility--thus as a single woman i'm on a fairly level playing field with my single male housemate, but if either of us were to move in with a partner or have kids i'd probably be SOL in relative (i.e., competitive) terms.

it's a truism around here: yale has woefully bad childcare programming, so grad students with kids are at a disadvantage. and, yeah, ok, having kids in grad school -- maybe not such a hot choice. but shit happens, and when shit falls disproportionately on women that is what we like to call injustice. women with families drop out; men with families stay in. does it matter whose fault it is? not really. does it mean that an institution with a $13 billion endowment should probably be about a trillion times more proactive on this matter? why yes, i believe it does.

note also that i'm still waiting for the report on the phenomenon i can only label "it's not our fault you were socialized like a girl."

15 September 2006

(2) darfur

if you live in new york, or indeed anywhere near new york, please come in UN peacekeeper blue to the rally this sunday (2-5 pm) in the east meadow of central park. as usual it feels a bit foolish to go stand around on a pleasant fall day in manhattan and hope that your presence will incrementally effect the actions of some very nasty people several thousand miles away, but given what i've read about the crisis there, i figure something's better than nothing, no?

(1) undiscovered country!

after nineteen years of classes (often, though not always, classes-for-classes'-sake), i seem to have embarked on something new, or at least new-ish. there are a million things to do -- that is not new -- but suddenly they all seem very directed. i need to learn spanish because i will likely do some field work in latin america, and qualitative methodology because i will likely do some field work. i need to teach because that'll be a big part of my job some day soon. and civil wars seminar for my lit review. prospectus working group for the prospectus, duh. R and java in order to know how to handle myself in california this spring. california this spring because that is how i will measure my dependent variable. everything, the courses and the committee work and all of it, is aimed at turning me into a person with an interesting and rigorous project, a book on the other side, and a saleable cv.

there is an interesting tension here between knowledge for knowledge's sake and knowledge for the sake of getting your ass on the tenure track. (this is to say nothing of the reeeally interesting differences between types of knowledge that you might want to pick up "for knowledge's sake." for example, i seem to be better at trivia than at any sort of systematic pursuit.) i suppose i've been unnecessarily disdainful of the ass-on-tenure-track sort of knowledge, assuming it to be less congruent/coterminous/whatever with knowledge for its own sake (which is somehow more morally pure?) than perhaps it actually is. in the brand new world that is the third year, the fact that there's no tenure-producing knowledge without an abiding for-its-own-sake interest at the bottom is suddenly very clear. if i didn't ramble or jabber or overemphasize or otherwise geekify every time somebody asked what i mean by "repertoires of violence," there'd be no project-directed, ass-on-track seeking this semester.

28 August 2006

done!

that's all she wrote. (ha.)

26 August 2006

what she said

whilst i attempt (only intermittently successfully) to avoid hyperventilating/doomsaying/general mental health disaster regarding my examthatstartsin39hours, please y'all go and read this brilliant and pithy disentanglement of the concepts "powerful" and "empowered."

a brief illustration: if i had real power, i would be able to refuse to jump through hoops that do not make me smarter or prepare me for any job skills at all. but since i am "empowered" instead, i have the (em)power to demand a "break room" where i can eat crappy soggy sandwiches and/or overly sugary desserts during my (proctored, because We Are All Dirty Cheaters Here) exam.

24 August 2006

not namby pamby

so last week, we had a "review meeting" with one of the "supervisors" of our "special examination" in "political psychology." and the stated purpose of this review meeting was to "think through" possible questions and "get a sense" of the "possible content" of the exam. and in actuality the review meeting consisted of

minute 0. "read this."

minute 30. "here's a question." said question requests a "research agenda."

minute 32. dead silence.

minute 32.5. i break. i begin blathering. i stammer out a possible "research agenda."

minute 33. still blathering.

minute 34. supervisor breaks in with "i guess...but don't you think that's a little...namby-pamby?"

and so on. anyway, today we took the stupid godforsaken political psych exam; all four of us managed to include the phrase "namby-pamby" somewhere in our essays.

fight the power, friends.

in other news, last night i had (yet) a(nother) anxiety dream; in this one, sarah perry told me she didn't like me any more and then ditched me for jacob hacker. sigh.

17 August 2006

09 August 2006

incumbent privilege, ugh

joe lieberman has gotten precisely what he deserves. and yet the times reports:

“As I see it, in this campaign, we’ve just finished the first half and the Lamont team is ahead. But in the second half, our team, Team Connecticut, is going to surge forward to victory in November,” Mr. Lieberman told cheering supporters last night.

such hubris! here's hoping the general election campaign goes unutterably badly.

29 July 2006

evangelical actual christian

i'm tempted to go to this person's worship service tomorrow morning. because GUESS WHAT. he's right here in minnesota, which is the best part of all.

28 July 2006

he's got a rocket in his pocket


reed's pose is multipurpose:

1. i have tattoos!

2. i was once a major musical theatre star!

more photos soon. for now suffice it to say that i had a wonderful (brief) time in grand forks, including time with anne (omg so you think you can dance is, like, so hot.), dinner at katie and kevin's house (the house they own. they own a house. also, did i mention that they are homeowners?), and time with old friends.

later, anne and i had a conversation about how you can totally tell that those are theatre friends, even if none of us is performing any more. (sigh.)

20 July 2006

three things

1. why must i constantly be joining and messing with online communities? (incidentally, you can now find me on facebook.)

2. i am going to cali for the rob and christine hitching extravaganza on friday night. (ooh, and i'm gonna check out palo alto before the ceremony. wheeee!) by sunday morning i'll be back in the twin cities. the reason i haven't made plans for grand forks is that i'm not sure when i can go. oh, but i'm going. it's possible that i will accompany anne north next wednesday or thursday.

3. turns out i'm way more productive in the st. cloud state library than in the diner. the siren song of the internets is weak there.

18 July 2006

transgender in the academy

of course, with a minor exception the trans issues are just window dressing; this is a story about how women fare in the academy and why. minor exception: he feels that because he did not identify as female growing up, there was no particular recognition of sexism that seems obvious in hindsight.

but more importantly, note the importance that is placed upon attribution, for both successful women and successful men. misattribution (my skills versus my luck) leads to selection bias (me versus the entire universe of women scientists) leads to faulty inference (nothing institutionally wrong).

also, st. cloud is very nice and there's been international news on the front page the last few days. not that the international news is good, or that there's much attention paid to it around here. sigh. for example, i'm more jazzed about having had good seats for the twins game last night, which they won 6-3. like everybody else in minnesota, i'm developing a crush on joe mauer.

13 July 2006

our own little world

front page of the st. cloud times today: "Prepare to bake: It will be 1 hot weekend."

plus an article about a minnesota state house race, plus a blurb about the sherburne county fair, among other things. at the bottom of the page, occupying just under an eighth of the area of the page: "Israeli troops launch a raid deep into Lebanon." the lead story on the nation/world page is "Katrina creates wedding boom." the bombings in india never made it to the front page, and the fluffy "rumsfeld, casey vow to protect baghdad" ran just below "Attackers kill 24 from bus station." no mention of the total death toll over the last several days.

it's entirely possible that none of this matters, that people recognize the difference between a local paper's mandate and actual news, but i'm not sure. it's also entirely possible that no one's really reading local papers anymore, so that none of this matters. buuuuuut...probably not. and given that, from this perspective, nothing outside central minnesota seems to exist with concrete specificity, is it really surprising that there are so many people in the places where i grew up who think that the scariest problem in the world today is The Gays?

06 July 2006

new pics

summer is accelerating! unfortunately, this means that there's precious little time to blog...almost anything. however, new flickr pictures are up [link at right]: swat alumni weekend, jonah's birthday dinner here in new haven, and a couple of shots from the fourth. (plus, if you haven't seen 'em, awesome zion & road trip photos!)

29 June 2006

obama on christian mission

...in politics. his final few paragraphs are probably important reading for a lot of christian lefties, but i suggest taking the time for the whole thing.