somewhere (probably bismarck) andy fairfield is smiling. in 1994 i had a screaming fight with him the morning of my confirmation; a couple of years later, he was the sole member of the council of bishops to recommend what was essentially excommunication for a pennsylvania bishop who had ordained a gay deacon. i don't know whether he's a member of the american anglican council, but like them he's certainly a terrible episcopalian.

this would be right up his alley, i'm sure -- a last-minute smear on a bishop elect who is universally recognized as talented, outgoing, a positive presence in our church...and who happens to be a gay man in a committed, long-term, uncloseted relationship.

everyone is screaming about schism. let them. frankly, as much as conservative "christians" don't want to be part of a denomination which has chosen to elect a gay bishop, liberal christians, self included, should reconsider our devotion to a denomination which fails to elect a gay bishop when the opportunity presents itself. i think that a smaller episcopal church, unburdened by its reactionary conservative wing (a combination of change-resistant, church-as-hobby Money and browbeating evangelicals who should have been southern baptists in the first place), might actually be able to grow instead of stagnating as it has for the past several decades.

those meeting at the general convention now should ask themselves which are the growing congregations. are they conservative outposts like the diocese of fort worth? hardly. congregations that grow are congregations that do the right thing: st. luke's in philadelphia; trinity swarthmore; even st. john's, my parents' congregation in st. cloud. these are places that have prayerfully and thoughtfully weighed justice and tradition and come down, in the end, on the right side. they are places whose acceptance of their queer members is not contingent upon some ill-conceived notion of "reform" or "self-discipline" (i.e., you can be a christian, but only if you pretend you don't have a sexuality). it astounds me that any western member of the anglican communion, having considered the life and character of jesus, could display the vindictiveness and bigotry characteristic of those now attempting to destroy bishop elect robinson's candidacy.

for me the difficult part of all this is wondering whether i will still have a church home when the dust settles. i have never felt the urge to be anything but an episcopalian, and all the traditions, architectural, social, liturgical, musical, what have you, are important to me in a way that is deep-rooted and inexplicable. the question is whether i will go back to any episcopal church if the conservatives succeed this week. or have they succeeded already? i am praying that they have not, and will not.