my kitchen ceiling fell on my head this morning. or rather, grungy gooey chunks of my kitchen ceiling and a big splash of dirty water. at least i wasn't standing in the center of the room, where most of it fell. drywall is heavy stuff, even when it's wet.

genesis of this sob story:

january 8
alyssa: [landlord], our pipes are frozen. the shower doesn't work. fix it, please.
[landlord]: it will fix itself! also, this never happens!
alyssa: but didn't it happen to last year's tenants? and then didn't pipes burst?
[landlord]: [shifty eyes]

january 15th or so
alyssa: our pipes are frozen.
laurel: maybe we should call [landlord].
alyssa: but what would be the use?
amelia: you're right. just open the taps.

january 23rd or so
amelia: shocker! our pipes are frozen.
laurel: open the taps. don't bother calling that [expletives] [landlord].

two days later
amelia entering the kitchen: it's raining in here! oh wait. that doesn't happen. and the water is yellow! quizzically perhaps our pipes have burst...but didn't [landlord] say that would never happen? dials phone. hello, [landlord]? yes, i thought you should know that our pipes have burst and it's raining in the kitchen.
[landlord]: shit! i'll be right over! that never happens!
amelia: didn't it happen last year?
[landlord]: i'm on my way.

...and so on.