but but but...

where's the thrill? where's the excitement? i guess it vanished completely sometime around the moment i realized this whole driving home thing was waaaaaay more trouble for lots of people than i had bargained for. fuck! (which thrill and excitement, you ask? oh, the thrill and excitement of actually being done with things. yes, that thrill and excitement. you know, the one i deserve but can't feel because it's buried in travel-planning stress.)

i just...wish...we could all be happy and chill for once. lately it seems (and with good reason, it's not like anyone's stress is somehow invalid or something) that no one in my friend group is ever happy at the same time. or worse, that we're all unhappy at the same times. it's an endless cycle of

feeling unhappy and wanting support and
not getting it from your friends because they're unhappy too and
consequently being even less able to support them and
then feeling bad about yourself as a friend, too and
being back again at "unhappy and wanting support," only more so.

this will all go away, of course, once we've collectively gotten over our sleep deprivation and academic angst. right? right? i'd like to think that it will, that's all there is to it. unfortunately, i know better: there's all this hovering Other Stuff as well, for everyone in the whole wide love-and-fulfillment-seeking, college-graduating, adult-imitating world. growing up is really fun and cool, until (unless?) you hit the part where it's no longer logical or smart to drown your sorrows in the belief that nothing is irrevocable. because things go wrong, or just go very differently than we all envisioned, and they can't be effectively put back anymore. i think the big project for many of us is to convince ourselves that that's ok. (it is, by the way, really. at some point we're going to have to just decide to be mostly content with our lot, or we're going to go crazy. maybe not yet, though? maybe we're still too young for that?) it's just a little tough to be collectively happy-go-lucky when we're all at varying stages in the convincing process.

right. i'm going to stop making everyone think i'm nuts now, and get some sleep. i promise cogent analysis of world events within the week.